The Secret of Addiction

When I wake up this early for some reason, I usually just go back to sleep. The reason is pretty simple: I don't really want to get up, because I have nothing I really feel like doing.

I remember a few different times though. Times when I was addicted to something, and not only would I instantly get up to do it, I think my brain would subconsciously wake me up sooner just to feed my addiction.

While I wish it happened with more constructive activities, I remember this feeling mostly from video games. My first memories of this feeling go back to my early Ultima Online days, although I suspect I just forgot about the earlier occurrences. Then there was DiabloII, World of Warcraft, and more recently and to a lesser degree, Guitar Hero, although addiction to such a game can never be as bad because at some point your fingers/arms are just too tired to play.

I guess that the point I'm trying to get across is that I wish I could get such a feeling for something really useful, or at least lucrative. I remember having it on the rare coding project, but it usually lasted only a couple of days, and it was more because of a particular challenge. That feeling is long gone now though.

When I think about something I want to do everyday for the rest of my life, I think about that feeling of addiction, where you can't stop thinking about it even in your sleep. Part of me thinks that no matter what I do, if I think of it was mainly for the money, I'll never get that feeling, so in a way, I am doomed. Another part of my tries to understand addiction though, and figure a way to redirect that feeling toward any activity. Wouldn't it be wonderful if there was a way to get yourself addicted to something you actually choose?

So far, the only thing I've identified as a criteria for addiction is that, from your point of view, you're always winning when you perform. Constant improvement with observable results is hard to top, and it hits a very sensible string in all of us. Problem is, with most activities, it's not a constant walk in the candy park.

However, if you could always see the big picture, if you could imagine yourself always going up that hill, even if it seems like you've just stumbled and fell down, it would be the start toward addiction, and the start toward waking up early and actually getting out of bed.

I can't imagine doing something I'm not addicted to everyday of my life, and rather than quit and try to find something else every time, I think it's more interesting to actually figure a way to enjoy doing what you want to do.